It's Metaphysical Monday! Today's post answers the question, "Does unconditional love mean I need to accept people's treatment of me no matter what?"
Unconditional love can be a confusing concept. Misuse of the concept can result in denying ourselves and allowing another to walk all over us without any repercussions in order for us to deem ourselves spiritual. This has opened the door for people to stay in out of balance, co-dependent, or even abusive relationships. Unconditional love never asks that you must deny or reject yourself and your needs in order to love another.
Unconditional love without healthy boundaries can be a recipe for disaster. If you have had trouble with boundaries in the past, it might help to start to look at boundaries as not a rejection we use as a punishment or a triggered reaction, but rather a new point of connection that is consciously chosen that serves everyone involved.
Unconditional love says I love you for being part of the whole and I have love and compassion for where you are on your journey. It in no way means you have to be a doormat for another while they are in the process of figuring themselves out. That is where healthy boundaries come in. While a lot of people think healthy boundaries are about shutting people out, in reality, healthy boundaries are about finding the point of connection that is safe and empowering for everyone involved.
Allowing yourself to be abused or mistreated in any way is not practicing unconditional love for yourself. It is also not loving to support someone in continuing to show up in such a lesser version of themselves if they are not behaving respectfully to themselves or to others.
People grow from having consequences to their actions. By not making them accountable, you are keeping everyone in an abuse loop where no growth can occur. Further, allowing someone to continue to treat you badly will only erode their sense of worth and add to the healing they will eventually need to do because it will add shame and regret to the pile.
Unconditional love says I love you for where you are on your journey so for both of us to have what we need, this is our connection point. If you can't meet me there right now, I understand. Because I love you the door will be open for you to come closer if some growth and evolution occurs and we can connect in a way that supports us all.
But for right now, this is where it is most empowering for both of us. It is empowering for me, because it keeps me safe and grounded in my truth and wisdom, and it is empowering for you because I want you to learn and grow. I allow your guides to take on that job of leading you with my full faith and trust because I don't have the vantage point to know what you are here to learn and experience.
We can love people in whatever remembrance of self they are in. We can give them grace if they come around from a new level of understanding, just as we appreciate when people have grace for us when we make mistakes. That is also the embodiment of unconditional love.
Unconditional love is fair and consistent. It knows when to step in and when to step back. It honours the growth and sovereignty of everyone involved in the healthiest ways.
So if loving a person is hurting you, you may wish to step back and reevaluate where the best connection point is for you. But know even if it needs to be quite a distance from where you are right now, it doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you love them enough to allow them to start to have the appropriate responses to their actions, and that is exactly what will facilitate growth and ultimately pave the way for them to be able to connect with you in a closer, and safer way, in
Music used with permission and written by: Carol Dinalo Hall
Podcast produced by Cottonwood Stone - www.CottonwoodStone.com